Three Lifetimes

I have lived three lifetimes.

No, this is not a post about reincarnation. I really have lived three lives as this Lori person.

I’ve debated whether to publish this post. It’s a bit vulnerable for me. I’ve decided to share it for anyone else who can relate, and for the assurance that life can get better.

Side note: I’m a little late with this post. I got to enjoy having people to celebrate my birthday with now that I’m back near family and friends. The week long celebration (with different people each time) is over now, and I have good memories left in its place. Now, onto my three lifetimes.

In each of my three lives, I was a somewhat different personality. As a result, when I look back on the other two lives, sometimes I feel like they happened to someone else and not me.

Life Number One.
Childhood years. From birth to the age of twenty-five. Lived in one house for twenty-two years and moved only a few miles away for the next three years. This Lori was imaginative and fun. Loyal and caring. Acted silly and thought it was cute. As a teenager and young adult, she was naïve and inexperienced, loved rock bands and stayed out all night. Very insecure and hid that insecurity by acting tough. Ready and willing to fight (argue) over just about anything. Sometimes spoke off the top of her head and said the wrong thing. Obsessed over anyone who made her mad. Obsessed over wanting people to like her.

Searching

Life Number Two.
The true growing up years. Though one might think growing up physically means we’ve grown up, that’s not really the case. During these years was when the real maturing occurred. This Lori was imaginative and fun, loyal and caring, and loved rock music. She lived, far, far away from where she grew up and in many ways was lost. Without nearby family and friends, or the security of home to hide behind, she flailed around searching for stability. This lifetime was filled with confusion and tumult. She faced some adversity and difficult relationships. Emotional obsession grew larger and larger. She had anxiety. Sometimes she withdrew from the world. She needed to find herself, and used that time of withdrawal to do just that.

Life Number Three.
The settled years. This is me, the Lori I am now. I don’t obsess over anyone else anymore, but maybe over-analyze my own behavior on occasion when I self-reflect. Due to my own experiences, I’ve grown compassionate toward others going through rough patches. Once in a while I can get melancholy over past adversity and miss loved ones who have gone. Mostly I live with an attitude of gratitude, thanking God every day for my blessings. I think before I speak and don’t argue at every turn. I try to pick my battles carefully, only when I feel strongly about standing up for what I believe is right. I learn from my mistakes. I don’t concern myself with what other people think of me. I don’t have anxiety, but I do tend to worry. I’m imaginative and fun, loyal and caring, and love rock music, but don’t have the energy to stay out all night.

Three different Lori’s with the core goodness at heart, three different lives. Sometimes I look back at those other Lori’s and feel for her, but I know where she’s headed.

Most people have that core goodness at heart, some just don’t know it yet.

Have you experienced the phenomena of looking back at your past and feeling like it happened to someone else? How many lives have you lived?