life, thoughts

Three Lifetimes

I have lived three lifetimes.

No, this is not a post about reincarnation. I really have lived three lives as this Lori person.

I’ve debated whether to publish this post. It’s a bit vulnerable for me. I’ve decided to share it for anyone else who can relate, and for the assurance that life can get better.

Side note: I’m a little late with this post. I got to enjoy having people to celebrate my birthday with now that I’m back near family and friends. The week long celebration (with different people each time) is over now, and I have good memories left in its place. Now, onto my three lifetimes.

In each of my three lives, I was a somewhat different personality. As a result, when I look back on the other two lives, sometimes I feel like they happened to someone else and not me.

Life Number One.
Childhood years. From birth to the age of twenty-five. Lived in one house for twenty-two years and moved only a few miles away for the next three years. This Lori was imaginative and fun. Loyal and caring. Acted silly and thought it was cute. As a teenager and young adult, she was naรฏve and inexperienced, loved rock bands and stayed out all night. Very insecure and hid that insecurity by acting tough. Ready and willing to fight (argue) over just about anything. Sometimes spoke off the top of her head and said the wrong thing. Obsessed over anyone who made her mad. Obsessed over wanting people to like her.

Searching

Life Number Two.
The true growing up years. Though one might think growing up physically means we’ve grown up, that’s not really the case. During these years was when the real maturing occurred. This Lori was imaginative and fun, loyal and caring, and loved rock music. She lived, far, far away from where she grew up and in many ways was lost. Without nearby family and friends, or the security of home to hide behind, she flailed around searching for stability. This lifetime was filled with confusion and tumult. She faced some adversity and difficult relationships. Emotional obsession grew larger and larger. She had anxiety. Sometimes she withdrew from the world. She needed to find herself, and used that time of withdrawal to do just that.

Life Number Three.
The settled years. This is me, the Lori I am now. I don’t obsess over anyone else anymore, but maybe over-analyze my own behavior on occasion when I self-reflect. Due to my own experiences, I’ve grown compassionate toward others going through rough patches. Once in a while I can get melancholy over past adversity and miss loved ones who have gone. Mostly I live with an attitude of gratitude, thanking God every day for my blessings. I think before I speak and don’t argue at every turn. I try to pick my battles carefully, only when I feel strongly about standing up for what I believe is right. I learn from my mistakes. I don’t concern myself with what other people think of me. I don’t have anxiety, but I do tend to worry. I’m imaginative and fun, loyal and caring, and love rock music, but don’t have the energy to stay out all night.

Three different Lori’s with the core goodness at heart, three different lives. Sometimes I look back at those other Lori’s and feel for her, but I know where she’s headed.

Most people have that core goodness at heart, some just don’t know it yet.

Have you experienced the phenomena of looking back at your past and feeling like it happened to someone else? How many lives have you lived?

 

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23 thoughts on “Three Lifetimes”

  1. Growing up can be tough, and probably is for most people. It’s a wonder that so many of us turn out to be kind of “normal” (whatever that is). It’s interesting to reminisce sometimes and congratulate ourselves on turning out okay.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Anneli. Yes, growing up can be tough. I find it strange and interesting that I feel like those other lifetimes were different people and not me. Looking back, I feel detached from that person I used to be.

      Thanks for reading. Hope you’re home safe and sound now.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I can very much relate! I’ve never been one of those people who wishes she could go back to an earlier time in my life. The things you’ve described here are exactly why I feel that way!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Tee. Good to “see” you. Thanks for reading and for sharing your own feelings on this topic. I know what you mean about not wanting to go back to those earlier times. Hope all is well with you.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Lynette, Yes, I think so many of us don’t start growing up until after we’ve become adults. I appreciate you sharing that this resonates. Thank you for the nice comment and the birthday wishes. Hope you’re having a nice weekend and staying warm. We actually had a sprinkle of snow that didn’t stick. First time I’ve ever seen it in October before. ๐Ÿ˜›

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  3. I think of it more as different facets of personality coming to light, developing and then adding to the pool of the whole person rather than as different personalities. One think I noticed about living with/caregiving my elders (blood and in-laws) was that often a certain fundamental core of one’s personality becomes deeply distilled, overpowering other facets – sometimes good, sometimes detrimental – but knowing that helped put perspective on the loved one’s actions.
    BTW: cute kid photo!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Laura. I find that sometimes I don’t even identify with the earliest Lori and feel like she was someone else. Once in a great while one of the other Lori’s will show up in my personality for a brief moment, and I have to remind myself how far I’ve come.

      BTW, that kid photo was originally in color. I thought it fit the past me better in B&W. Those shorts were brightly colored.

      Thank you for sharing your experience. I do notice that some traits become deeply imbedded in older people. But, in other older people, I’ve noticed that their traits have softened.

      Thanks again, Laura. Have a nice weekend.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Lori, I I hope you had a wonderful birthday! ๐Ÿ˜€ I love your post, learning a bit about you through the years and the goodness shines out! Isnโ€™t it how we all feel when a bit wiser, looking back sweetly at the younger naive self? I can relate to much of your post … I am now less needy to be right, more ready to concede on less important issues … it makes an easier, happier life! Reflective post that leaves me deep in thought…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Annika. Thank you for the thoughtful comment. Of course, there was a lot more to each of those Lori’s, but I like to keep it under 600 words, and I didn’t want to bombard readers with TMI. ๐Ÿ˜›

      Thank you for sharing about your changes in personality. Seems like many of us go through similar transformations.

      Have a wonderful weekend. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Happy belated birthday, Lori. I think each season of my life brings on new challenges that promotes growth. Right now Iโ€™m going through one of the most difficult seasons in my life, but I trust I will come through it even stronger.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks for the belated wishes, Jill. I’m sure this difficult time is shaping another personality as you go along. My heart goes out to you. Hugs. โค

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    1. I know what you mean, too L, about keeping the exuberance of childhood. I don’t have the energy, but I still love to do things I did as a kid. Heck, I was recently thinking about how I wish I still had my Dawn Dolls from childhood. I also love to play on playgrounds and do so when it’s possible. Thanks for the nice comment.

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  6. You are US! All of us, if we are ready to admit it and willing to be authentic, have gone through many โ€œlives.โ€ Being honest about that is what gets us through the day, reminds us we are alive.

    Liked by 2 people

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