This Daily Prompt, The Road Less Traveled, was from July 2nd, 2013. Just a little heads up, this topic is a very personal one, but something is calling me to share it.
I actually wrote an article about my road less traveled several years ago, but it’s too long for a blog post at 1,900 words. So, here is just the beginning of that article.
My life is on a road few travel. This road is not shown on any maps (or GPS) to help guide the way. When I bump into a rare fellow traveler, we usually become fast friends and journey together. We are women who wanted to give birth and raise children but were unable.
Some people take a turn onto the lovely Adoption Lane. Not many choose the sharp left curve from Trying-to-Conceive Boulevard, onto Childfree Street.
The article goes on to explain why adoption isn’t always an option for everyone. But, that is not the reason why I’m sharing my road less traveled here today. The Daily Prompt said to talk about the moment I made the decision, and what my life might’ve been like had I chosen differently.
I never made the decision not to have my husband’s child. We tried for a year with one miscarriage as a result. From there we moved to medical intervention. We had agreed to try five hormone treatments, but on the third one I got seriously ill. We were told by the doctors that once I healed, we could try the treatments again. My husband was worried about me and objected to trying two more times. I didn’t argue much. I wasn’t looking forward to putting my body through more hell, so we agreed to stop hormone treatments.
Side note: Keep in mind that three hormone treatments did not mean we tried three times. There were many months of trying in between for a total of seven years.
We discussed adoption but needed a break from all the physical, emotional and mental strain first. At that point, I found myself in a deep depression. Eventually I realized that it wasn’t so much a depression but a period of necessary mourning. I grieved the loss of my fertility and my imaginary children.
Once I made it through that grieving period, I actually laughed and enjoyed life. I turned forty, and much like George Bailey, I wanted to live again! The idea of going through the ups and downs of the adoption process in order to start a family felt like switching on the emotional roller coaster all over again.
So, I/we never really chose not to raise biological children, but at age forty, I/we did choose not to become adoptive parent(s).
What would my life be like today had I chosen differently? Well, instead of being an empty nester like other people our age, we still would’ve had little ones at home. So, being on our own at this age is actually what we wanted. Except, we had hoped to have raised smart, healthy, independent grown children by now.
Sometimes it makes us sad not to have a family. But, the two quotes I shared on Friday are what changed my life and brought me into acceptance.
When I went through the grieving period I mentioned above, many people suggested I go on anti-depressants or adopt in order to stop my heartache. I knew for certain that if I didn’t face the pain head on, then the entire purpose of the infertility would’ve been lost. I needed that time to introspect and to learn. I am now grateful for what I faced and glad I didn’t avoid it. I grew spiritually during that time, especially when the universe planted this quote in my path…if you’re not enough without it, you’ll never be enough with it.