Deep Waters

“You wade in deep waters.”

Someone said that to me recently. Of course, it’s something I already know about me. I’m a thinker. My conversations are deep and my questions are many. Which got me thinking about deep thinking. Is there something wrong with that? 

“No.” Says the person who uttered those five words. “It’s just that most people like to stay in the shallow end.”

“Is it a bad thing to be in the deep end?” I asked. 

“No. But you were wondering why you don’t have many friends. Most people don’t think like you. Many people don’t know what to say around deep waters.”

“Soo, I make people uncomfortable?”It went on from there, and I can’t stop thinking about my thinking, and now I’m over thinking.

Onward I go, sharing a vulnerable topic for me.

This person I was speaking with suggested I join some kind of group for people who think like me.

Is there an over-thinker’s anonymous? Is there a too-many-questions club? Is there a critical-thinkers support group?

I’ve always been somewhat of an outsider my whole life. I’ve written posts about this before. It can be a lonely road, and perhaps why I long for friendship sometimes. I’ve never been one to follow a crowd. I didn’t succumb to peer pressure as a teen. I challenged my religious teachers in Catechism. I remained childfree after infertility, so I’m not a parent like most of the world. I question society’s trends. Because of my analytical nature, sometimes I ask pointed, honest questions or speak unsolicited truths.

Ding. Ding. Ding.

That’s where the person I was talking to suggested I be softer with others. I don’t know what that means, and I don’t know how to be any different.

Of course I use a filter. I don’t say ugly things to or about anyone. If I’ve said something to offend someone because of a question or expressing a thought, then I want to be told. How do I know how to be softer if someone doesn’t tell me what it is I said or did that was harsh?

My books and my blog are philosophical and talk about looking within. So in that vein, I’m looking within to see if this is a flaw I need to work on or something to simply accept and love myself anyway.

I never mean to be malicious. I’m a curious soul. When I ask questions, it’s because I like to learn . . . learn about how to deal with relationships and life in general. If I express a truth that is hurtful, perhaps we can discuss it, but it takes each of us to look within ourselves.I’m blessed to have a man in my life who finds my deep thinking interesting. He didn’t always dive in the waters with me, but after all these years, sometimes he even dives in before me. I’m fortunate he understands where I’m coming from.

If you got through this post, you may be a deep thinker. You might be a compassionate listener. Or, perhaps the letters blurred and you just dazed your way through it. At any rate, thanks for checking out this post.

At least my way of thinking created characters in my novels who are rich with personality, emotion, and depth of character. But, if there aren’t a lot of people like me, where are the few people out there who will read them?

Maybe I’m just over thinking. 🤔