dogs, life

Resistance is Futile

Warning: loving a dog can lead to a broken heart.

Would I have adopted my first dog had I been warned? Probably. I didn’t get my first dog until I was thirty-five years old. Before then, I had no idea about the enormous bond that occurs between human and dog. Of course, I had heard about it, but hearing about it from others is trite in comparison to the experience. Not to mention, loving anyone is a risk usually worth taking.

Don’t get me wrong, I know that loving any pet (cat, rabbit, bird, etc) can lead to a broken heart. I’m focusing on dogs right now, because my heart is broken from loving a dog who left this earth just three short weeks ago.

My boy Max

You know that five-stages-of-grief thing? Well, it’s not just a cliche, it’s the absolute truth. It seems like I’m mostly experiencing stages two and four . . . anger and depression. When I’m not crying, I’m pissed off. Sorry to put it so bluntly, but the crankiness tends to do that to me lately.

I don’t like being this way. I always begin my days with an inspirational reading, along with some prayer and meditation. It starts me off with a burst of positive energy, at least it did until three weeks ago. Doing that same routine seems futile now. Nothing is the same without my dog, and neither is my morning burst of positive energy.

Sometimes I tell the grief to hurry up, then realize that’s futile, too. Sometimes I try to ignore the grief and pretend it isn’t there. Again, futile. There is no resisting the power of grief.

People keep telling me that love, devotion and faithfulness of a dog is worth the heartache. That’s not always comforting when I’m walking in a fog of emotion. But, when I’m using my rational, thinking brain, and speaking from love, I remember how the two dogs I’ve loved made me a better person. Bonding with them changed my life. I can’t begin to articulate the impact they had on helping to mold and change me.

I miss the Lori I was before these dang five stages of grief. I usually love to laugh and won’t go to bed without having at least one laugh each day. I’m still following through with that usual laughter motto, but my laughs aren’t from the gut. In other words, they aren’t really penetrating the hurt.

Thanks to my readers for bearing with me as I work this through in some blog posts. I’d say that experiencing grief is part of growing as a person, but then I’d just get pissed off again, because this growth-through-grief thing sucks. However, this point does remind me of this quote I once posted.

It’s not time to bring another into my heart, but who knows what the future holds.

During times of grief in your life, have you ever taken notice of yourself experiencing those five stages?

 

 

18 thoughts on “Resistance is Futile”

    1. Joe, my heart feels for you also, in your loss of Cooper. I’ve been through this once before, and it’s not any easier this time. It’s brutal.

      Thank you for sharing.

      Like

  1. Oh yes, Lori, for sure. I’ve loved all my dogs and I was fortunate enough to have them in my life and have extraordinary experiences with them. It was hard, hard, hard to lose them and I travelled the stages of grief. Try to be good to yourself. From the other comments I see here you have lots of WP support, so do the posts you need to. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Lynette. I feel sort of narcissistic when it comes to grief. It’s a bit of a conflict for me, but I know I’ve got to let this thing ride. 🤷‍♀️😔

      Thank you for sharing and your kind words of support. 💗

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Losing a pet is so hard because of the special bond we form with them. Each person experiences grief in their own way. Not everyone goes through all stages, and some linger longer in one stage. Be patient and kind to yourself. Writing can be a great form of release, so it’s good that you have this blog as an outlet.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Very good points you’ve made about grief, Joy. You’re right, I’m lingering in stages 2 & 4 longer than I’d like. It’s difficult to just let it unfold and feel it, but it seems there is no other choice.

      Thank you for your thoughtful words of support.

      Like

  3. Let’s hope you go through these stages quickly and don’t suffer too long. There’s nothing to be done but go through them. Whoever said, Better to have loved and lost, etc., was surely talking about dogs as well as people. Think of the good times, have a cry, get on with your day, repeat.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hope I get through the stages quickly, too, Anneli. I do need to do the “repeat” part a lot. I find that I’m short on patience . . . get frustrated easy and get snippy when I don’t mean to.

      Hurry up stages.

      Thank you for your support. 💗

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I am so sorry to know you lost your great dog. I believe I met him once, and he was a love. Just remember they cross the rainbow bridge, and I truly believe to a better place. And I believe we will meet them again on the other side. My prayers and my best wishes are with you to help you work through your grief. Been there, and I know how it is.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Mary. Thank you so much for stopping by to support me. I know I’ll meet my 2 boys again. The missing them until I do is brutal. And yes, you did meet Max at my house in Florida. I’m so glad you remembered him.

      I know you understand how difficult this is from your own experience. I hope you are doing well there in KY. Hugs.

      Like

  5. I lost a beloved cat and a beloved aunt around the same time. For the cat I mourned painfully. I spent 6 weeks in the crying stage. Anything could set me off. For my aunt, who was old and ill, I could use rational thinking to understand that she was in a better place. Couldn’t do that for my cat. Took me a while to recover but I did go on to adopt again focusing on the less desirable adoptables (who are perfectly wonderful). When I lost Hazel I thought it was time to downsize. I still had 3 cats but within a month there was a cat that people were overlooking. She spent her entire kittyhood in a rescue so I had to give her a good place. Some people don’t ever recover from the pain and prefer to block it but that unconditional love is so worth it. Talking, writing and crying are all good things. Being pissed off is good too. Max was adorable. Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing your experience with grief, Kate. I found the same thing that you described . . . how it seems harder to mourn a pet than a person, which seems strange. Maybe it’s because the communication with our pets goes deeper, because we have to bond through body language and not words? We can communicate verbally with humans and reason things through with them. We have to hope we’re doing the right thing for our pets without verbal communication. Who knows? 🤷‍♀️ But I get what you’re saying.

      I love that you’ve taken those “less desirable” kitties. They are all beautiful.

      As far as me being pissed off, I find that I have no patience for anything and get frustrated so easily. I snap at people and don’t mean to. 😔

      Thank you for your support. 💗

      Liked by 1 person

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