Before
(Written January 16, 2019)
Max
He watches me intently
His brown eyes earnest and pure
Does he wonder what I’m doing?
Does he wish he could speak to me?
Does he think I’m a total goof?
I leave the room and he follows
His eyes catching my every move
I wonder what he is thinking
I wish we could speak to each other
I think he’s an adorable goof
He doesn’t do well away from me
It’s like he’s attached by a rope
His trust knows no bounds
What is it that he sees in me?
Do I even deserve such devotion?
His obedience is perfection
His presence is large
His love is soul-fulfilling
What will I do when he’s gone?
~ L. Virelli
After
(Written January 17, 2020)
Weighted
I walk the earth drained and weighted
Willing my lagging body to move
I go about my daily activities
And no one can see the invisible
Chains smothering my entire being
The tears pressuring the backs of my eyes
Mornings are the worst
Knowing you don’t need me
Why should I get up?
I have no purpose
Pain in my gut is constant
Caring words and notes are comforting
I don’t feel so alone
The heaviness is always there
But during a conversation
For a few moments
I forget
There is a reprieve
It doesn’t take long before a memory
Flashes in my mind
Of you falling asleep in my lap
Then being carried away like a boneless rag doll
Never to be seen again
I wince from the taser to my heart
Gasp from the punch to my stomach
The dam breaks
Tears pour
Agony chokes out sobs
The pain is unbearable
The weights are too heavy
How long must I carry them?
~ L. Virelli
Lori's Lane 