life, philosophy

Experts

In order to avoid my fate, I stopped living.

In the 1990’s when I went through infertility, I was lost and alone. I don’t know how I would’ve made it through if not for the support of a group of ladies I met online who were going through the same thing.

The desperation to experience childbirth and motherhood was overwhelming. I went through clinical treatments that weren’t working. I listened to the infertility “experts” and did everything they told me to do – pumping myself with extreme hormones to make nature work (👈 think about that).

I could tell stories about what the “experts” had me do, but it would include embarrassing personal details. I will say a couple of those things took away my dignity. When I questioned the “experts,” they demeaned me because I wasn’t the expert – they were. So, I did undignified things anyway. That’s how desperate I was.

One of the ladies in our support group of women who struggled with infertility retrospected and said – “If the experts would’ve told me there is one sure-fire way you can get pregnant. We can remove your left arm and reattach it to your forehead, I would’ve done it.”

We trusted the “experts” and were making decisions based on emotion. Pumping our bodies with hormones without knowing the long-term consequences certainly wasn’t making our bodies healthier.

In order to avoid the alternative…the thing I feared the most…never giving birth or raising those children I longed for…I stopped living my life and lived the life the “experts” offered me. And, it had all kinds of adverse side effects.

The “experts’” medical advice never worked. All the undignified things I did…all the things I did which threatened my health…were useless. I had stopped living my own life because I thought the “experts” knew everything.

I’m not saying that the same procedures I had won’t work for others. They clearly have worked for many. The point is, in my emotional state, how far was I willing to go from the “experts'” advice?

Society has reduced itself to doing what “experts” tell us to do. The same thing is happening that happened to me – it’s not working – no one knows the long term consequences – there are all kinds of adverse side effects. People do it anyway, basing their decisions on emotion. Those who question the “scientific experts” are being shamed in an even worse way than I was demeaned for questioning the infertility “experts.”

Some might say we need to stop living our normal lives, not for ourselves, but to care about others. It baffles me that people think if they do what they’re told by “experts,” they can control the outcomes for others. I couldn’t even control my own outcome by listening to “experts.”

From my experience, I learned that just because we’re told someone is an “expert” doesn’t mean they are infallible. Many of the “experts” play on emotions, especially fear, for their own benefit. We’re individuals each uniquely made, and it’s not one size fits all. “Experts” don’t know what’s best for us. We do.

At least I had a choice whether to follow “experts'” advice when I went through infertility treatments. It wouldn’t be so bad if we were each given a choice as individuals to do what is best for us. Unfortunately, we’re being shamed, livelihoods taken away, and in some cases arrested if we don’t all conform and stop living our lives to avoid our impending doom because “experts” said so.

I learned my lesson after the hormones caused a life-threatening health issue. How far will society go to learn a lesson?

Would society detach an arm and reattach it to their forehead if “experts” told them it would stop the spread of a virus? Or, stop climate change aka global warming? How about wearing one of these – the latest thing to “stop the spread?” How bout wearing an emblem on our arms or implanting a chip to prove we’re listening to the “science experts?”

In order to avoid dying…society has stopped living.

14 thoughts on “Experts”

  1. I’ve never been one for following what “the experts” tell us, as they do change their minds frequently. For example, one week coffee is good for you, the next it’s bad. One week wine is good for you, the next week it’s not. I found it’s best to try to find out as much as I can on my own and then make my own decisions. If I change my mind later on, I have only myself to blame. People need to start thinking for themselves. We already have too many sheep in the world.

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    1. Thank God for those “experts” though, huh Anneli? I mean, if not for them, millions would’ve gotten the virus across the globe. Oh wait. Millions did get it. And I’m one of them, even after doing everything the “experts” told us to do to “stop the spread.”

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  2. OMG – Nosy? Yikes.

    A close friend had a similar experience. She practically turned herself inside out. She was able to get pregnant but unfortunately couldn’t go beyond 12 weeks. It was heartbreaking (she was also a labour and delivery nurse; she adored kids) to watch her go through this while being almost totally unable to help. I listened a lot. So sorry to hear about your experience. ❤

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    1. Hi Lynette. Such heartache your friend must’ve gone through – and in her line of work. Makes me hurt for her. I hope she’s doing okay now.

      Thank you for your kind words about my experience. I didn’t mean to make this post about my struggle. I used the experience to show why I’m so averse to “experts’” implementing rules for a whole society.

      I shared about how infertility helped me with personal growth in a blog post some years back.
      https://loreezlane.wordpress.com/2013/07/15/daily-prompt-the-road-less-traveled/

      P.S. “Nosy” – It’s hilarious. Unfortunately, they aren’t kidding. 😕

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    1. You’re right, Carl. We do need to be our own health advocates. If only we could’ve been our own health managers throughout the last year.

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  3. Thank you for your candid sharing of a very challenging time, Lori. This happens to be Endometriosis awareness month and I wrote a post about my daughter’s serious, challenging struggles with Endometriosis last year. She is part of a support group and has dealt with many experts. You reminded me of one of her quotes “They treated my pain, they treated my brain, they made me feel like I was insane.” Hugs for you, Lori xx

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    1. Hi Erica. I’m sorry your daughter suffers from Endometriosis. I got that later in life, and I can’t help but wonder if it was a side effect from pumping all those hormones into my body. “Experts” do make us feel like we’re insane. I have a hard time trusting them. I once went to a doctor for a severe pain in my toe to where I couldn’t even put slight pressure on it, and he wanted to give me an anti-depressant. Even after he found a bone spur there. 🤷‍♀️ 🙄
      I don’t know if your daughter struggles with infertility, but if so, I hope she has some good support. It’s a lonely, lonely issue. One that not many people go through so few understand. I’m glad you’re there to support her. 💗
      Here is a blog post where I shared briefly about what my infertility experience meant to me.
      https://loreezlane.wordpress.com/2013/07/15/daily-prompt-the-road-less-traveled/

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      1. I appreciate you sharing your 2013 post, Lori. Interesting about depression and relationship to necessary mourning. Facing pain head on and acceptance…..powerful. And thank you for sharing “there is light and beauty on the other side.” My daughter has had a complicated journey with highs and lows and she lives with chronic pain. I wrote a story about her (with her permission) “When you love someone more than life itself.” She draws cartoons to illustrate her chronic pain – humorous and poignant and she of course, knows first hand the challenges. She was advised to put her illustrations into a book “ENDOtheLINE The Chronic Pain Comic” Alisha Winder if you are curious to peak at it. I will attach story link, although, I know you are a busy lady and may not read https://behindthesceneryphoto.com/2020/06/19/when-you-love-someone-more-than-life-itself/

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