life, thoughts

What to do with all these Emotions

As I write this, my emotions are running high. I’m trying to stop and think more clearly . . . figure out how to settle these emotions down.

I’m sad.

I’m scared.

I’m ashamed.

I’m angry.

All at the same time.

“Tears are words that need to be written.” ~ Paulo Coelho

I’m sad because I can’t be with my family and friends. I lived 1,200 miles away from them for too long. I’m finally living within ten miles of those I love and I can’t see them. I had to stand in the rain and hold a sign up on Mother’s Day for my mom to see from her window. I’m sad because my dog is gone, and I’m either stuck in the house or going on walks without him. I’m sad because lives around me are being ruined, people are losing jobs, can’t pay bills, and families can’t be together. I’m sad because I can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel.

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” ~ Frank Herbert

I’m scared because, first, I fear for my mom who is in the at-risk category. Secondly, I fear for myself and the rest of my family. At times, I’m afraid to live life, fearing the deadly germ could attack me at any moment. I don’t even want to touch items that I bring in from outside the home. Everything must be cleaned and cleaned again. From what we’re being told, the virus is brutal, which is frightening. I’m scared because I’ve always been a law abiding citizen who wants to help others whenever I can, but I could go to jail if I go to my beauty salon. I’m scared freedom is at risk. I’m scared of oppression. I’m scared of tyranny.

“A good deal of tyranny goes by the name of protection.” ~ Crystal Eastman

I’m being shamed because I don’t want to wear a mask in the open air. I’m a bad person because I’m being told I don’t care about others. I’m being shamed because I don’t want to breathe in the poison of my own CO2, which is not supposed to be breathed into bodies. I’m being shamed for asking questions. I’m being shamed because I don’t understand the contradictions of “experts” who first told us that masks are not helpful and now tell us they are essential.

“Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.” ~ C.S. Lewis

I’m angry because lives are being controlled by the use of fear. I’m angry because freedom appears to be gone, and we have to listen to our overlords who we’re told are “experts.” I’m angry because I was on board at first, but it’s gone too far, and I don’t know who or what to believe anymore. I’m angry because I’m not trusted as a responsible adult to take the precautions needed. I’m angry because peoples’ lives are being ruined by the use of fear, and some I’ve known have contemplated suicide, one who was successful.

If I was told that the only way for me to stay safe and to keep from harming others was to stay in my basement with the lights turned off and only eat the crusts of bread thrown down to me, would I do it? Would this be the line everyone would draw to unify for liberty, or will people still blindly follow the “experts” and elected officials, no questions asked?

“Every collectivist revolution rides in on a Trojan horse of ’emergency’. It was the tactic of Lenin, Hitler, and Mussolini. In the collectivist sweep over a dozen minor countries of Europe, it was the cry of men striving to get on horseback. And ’emergency’ became the justification of the subsequent steps. This technique of creating emergency is the greatest achievement that demagoguery attains.” ~ Herbert Hoover

I’m scared to catch it, yet angry to be controlled over catching it. It’s very confusing. I haven’t known what to do with these emotions. At one point they led to a panic attack.

Fear is a powerful tool for tyrants. But, I will not be broken. There is a place I can go to clear my head, but it’s a difficult place to get to amongst the emotion. I do know that I’ve worked out emotions in the past, and I will again.

How are your emotions through this the societal crisis?

 

20 thoughts on “What to do with all these Emotions”

  1. I really like your beautiful blog. A pleasure to come stroll on your pages. A great discovery and a very interesting blog. I will come back to visit you. Do not hesitate to visit my universe. See you soon.

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  2. I’m so sorry about what you’re going through Lori, the virus and its attendant consequences is indeed frightening. I am positive we will beat this together. Stay strong my friend🙏

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  3. I’m really sorry you’re feeling like this Lori, and I know how debilitating panic can be first hand. I know you aren’t alone with all these different feelings, which isn’t helped by confusing and changing advice, and of course your grief is still very raw. I’ve probably been helped because I was already being treated for anxiety, so I haven’t felt too much of that. Even so it’s hard to know what to believe or do for the best. Sending you good wishes Lori.

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    1. Hi Andrea. I know you understand what it’s like to panic. I’ve had my good days and bad through this period of crisis in our society. I do believe I will work through this. Thank you for your understanding and thoughtful comment. 💗

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  4. “Emergency” is a limited term. When a true one exists, you go with the flow, do what you can to fix it, and help to stop. When it stretches beyond good sense, we as free people put a stop to it. Don’t believe we are anywhere near that point. Feel for your emotions. My mother, almost 89, is up in PA; I’m here in KY. Can’t go visit. And the doctors have given here a limited time–months thankfully, not weeks. I live in hope.
    Wonderful writing, Lori.

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    1. Wise words here, Mary. You’re so right about the word “emergency.” When my husband had his accident in Florida, I found myself going with the flow automatically. There was no other alternative. In this case with the virus, there are other alternatives, but we aren’t being given those options. We are being told, “obey or else.”

      My heart goes out to you over your mom. I hope you are able to connect via phone. I know how hard it is to be so far away. Thank you for your kind and wise words. Hugs. 💗

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  5. Beautiful raw writing. So many different feelings rooting around in our system. So many different fears. I know you will get through this. We all will find our way. Even if our fears are different, we’re in the same boat. Hugs…

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    1. Hi Kathy. Yep, this is part of that anxiety I was telling you about on your blog. All the different emotions colliding. It helps to acknowledge and write them out. I was surprised at the emails I received from people who are feeling the same. Sharing sometimes helps others not feel so alone. Some days are better than others, and they tend to get better when my orange cardinal shows up. 🙂

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  6. Hi Lori, You are right about the quote you chose from Paulo Coelo. I get it, on the emotions. The quote from Frank Herbert resonates with me, especially fear passing over me and through me. A huge wow on everything you wrote. You have the questions. I don’t have all of the answers. Day by day. Moment my moment. A word that continues to surface for me is “Trust.” XO

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    1. Hi Erica. I thought I’d write out my emotions as a release and share in case it might help anyone else feeling the same to not feel so alone. “Trust” is a good word to remember. Humans are fallible, so for me it would mean to trust the Universe/God to straighten this out. Thank you for your thoughtful comment and for sharing your surfacing word. 💗

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  7. Yes, I agree with Anneli, too.

    There will come a day when we are released from this, but I think it may be around for a long time, too. Figuring out how to live safely with it maybe our next learning curve.

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    1. Hi Lynette. I thought I’d write out my emotions as a release and share so anyone feeling the same can see we aren’t alone. You’re right, figuring out how to live with this is a learning curve. 🤷‍♀️

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    1. Hi Jill. Yes, Anneli’s advice is good. As I told her, writing it out is part of my process to learn to go with the flow. 📝🙂

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  8. I know! It’s a hard time for so many people (me too) and I think that once in a while it helps to realize that there are so many people in worse situations than mine. Today I had a thought – why didn’t I just go with the flow rather than always trying to fight against the current. These are different times and we have to make some adjustments (or go crazy)!

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