I probably shouldn’t confess this out on a public forum, but here we go anyway . . .
I’ve sometimes thought of myself as a clean-freak. Dare I say, I was always a bit of a germophobe even before the virus. Over the last few months, I’ve discovered I’m not as clean as I had let myself believe.
When we had our dog, Max, I vacuumed a few times a week, sometimes every day. You’d think the house was cleaner since we said goodbye to him in January, but no. We’ve come to learn that the two of us humans are slobs. We may no longer have fur all over furniture, drool marks on the wood floors and nose art on windows, but now we keep finding food crumbs under the breakfast bar and on the kitchen floor. What the heck? Have we always been this sloppy with food?
Max wasn’t allowed in the kitchen, but now I know he snuck in when we weren’t looking. Not only have I learned that Max was a good crumb-cleaner, but I’m discovering how essential he was to my mental health.
Over the last few days, my emotions have been raw. Sometimes I feel like I’m going to jump out of my skin. I think the lock down and the news that comes with it is starting to get to me. What I would give to get a snuggle from my boy.His very presence in a room was calming. What I would give to walk down the street with him, his ears flopping as he trotted along side me. Somehow he knew how to trot even though I was only at a medium walk-pace.
Spring is popping up everywhere, and Max and I would’ve been sitting out on our new patio together while I wrote.
I miss the giggle he gave me when he’d roll around on the floor scratching his back and grumbling with relief. I miss the sound of the squeaky toy and him barking at it while it’s in his mouth, giving it a piece of his mind.
We had started arranging a travel plan after Max left. We discussed taking two vacation trips by the end of the year. We wanted to do this before bringing a new dog home. Then the virus hit. Now I’m not sure how I feel about travel for the rest of this year.
I’m also not ready to get a new dog. Max was such a well-behaved, obedient dog. The thought of starting from scratch again seems daunting right now. I’m too tired, not to mention, emotionally raw at this point in time. I’m pretty good with getting a dog trained, but I have to be mentally prepared. They really don’t respond well to a weak mind. I know. I’ve seen it happen.
So these are my confessions during a lock down. Just mostly missing my Max . . .
Would you like to confess anything during your lock down?