I don’t even know where to begin to write this difficult post. I hope you’ll follow along anyway, because this is important … to me.
Last October, I wrote the post Grow Old With You, about a married couple who were devoted to one another for over sixty years. At that time, my husband’s father had made his transition to the other side.
After he was laid to rest, my husband’s mother said she’d start clearing out their house so it could be ready for her husband to “throw down the rope” for her. She was reasonably healthy for an 84 year old. Of course, most people at that age have some health issues, but she had nothing serious enough to be terminal.
Our family, well, we knew Mom wasn’t one for finishing projects she started, and she didn’t like to throw anything out. So, we didn’t count on her clearing out the house. What we did know, was that she would have a difficult time being without Dad. I wonder if we all thought the same thing … it won’t be long before Dad throws down that rope.
Here we are, ten months later, and the rope came down. Mom left this earth to be with her beloved husband over the weekend. Because she was not terminally ill, this was unexpected. But, when she fell in her home, the rope began its descent.
I’m including photos, because Mom was all about family.
This is where it gets emotionally difficult to write. You see, Mom and I had a complicated yet loving relationship. She read this blog. She enjoyed it. I hope she can see it again, somehow.
We had some tough times, her and I. But, she loved me anyway, and always considered me her daughter. I loved her and always considered her my other mom. I don’t think she always knew that, because she had a difficult time understanding where I was coming from. For example, even admitting (out loud) this struggle part of our relationship would be baffling to her. She’d say everything was perfectly fine at all times throughout our years together. She didn’t always see things as they were, but as she wanted them to be. My husband and I had a saying that went, “It never rains at Mom’s house.”
Having her in my life was a great teaching aide. We made it through struggles and came out the other side with a stronger, deeper relationship. I will miss our heart-to-heart talks.
I have mentioned before that she and I loved the TV show, Everybody Loves Raymond. Mom didn’t mind that I called her, Marie (from the show). She laughed. She even signed her cards “Marie.” She had a great sense of humor, and she passed it down to her sons. I could never have married someone who didn’t laugh with me. I thank her for giving me such a wonderful man.
And, believe me, she called me Debra (from Everybody Loves Raymond) too. She saw Debra as the antagonist of the story. Which I find interesting and deep, because I think most people see themselves as the protagonist of their own stories. To Mom, Marie was the protagonist.
Mom was an only child, and she lost her parents before the age of twenty-five. This is why family was so important to her. She was definitely the matriarch in charge. She will leave a gaping hole.
Mom and Dad with their 4 sons, wives and grandkids about 7 years ago before 8 great-grandchildren were born. She’d would’ve asked me to put up a photo with everyone in the family, but I couldn’t find one in the midst of our packing and moving into a new home. She was lovingly inclusive of everyone. Even made family members of friends.
On my post about Dad, or as I called him, Chief, I put a video up of a song that suited them well. I’m putting it below again, because they are together now.
We’re taking our vitamins, Mom, and we’ll always remember to Live well, Love much and Laugh often.