For Better or For Worse

Recently, I got confused about my age. I had my birthday in the fall and thought I had turned twenty-nine, but it turns out that yesterday was my twenty-ninth wedding anniversary!

Look at these clueless children who married at the age of twelve. Okay, maybe they were a tiny bit older, I can’t remember for sure.

Can I be frank?

I snicker at people on their wedding days, especially young people marrying for the first time. Clueless, doesn’t begin to describe how unaware those two were in the photo. They still lived at home with their parents and met in a bar.

No wonder why they say that the wedding day is the best day of someone’s life. It’s blissful innocence … or ignorance.

When we said the words “for better or for worse” in the wedding vows, we had no idea what “for worse” meant. Personally, I pictured making my husband chicken soup when he had the flu and vice versa. I pictured having to console each other in our older years when our parents left us. I thought we might argue over how to spend our income, but never did I foresee what actually happens.

I’ve wondered if there is something that I could’ve told that younger Lori to prepare her.

Nope. She would’ve either shrugged me off, or gotten too afraid to marry anyone, ever. How could she grasp the gravity of meshing two dysfunctional families into one, and the problems it would create? She didn’t even know she was dysfunctional, let alone to use her difficulties to grow into a stronger person. That young bride didn’t know if she wanted to have children, and would never think that not being able to have them would cause her great heartache. She would’ve panicked if she knew how much more serious her husband’s accident would be compared to the flu.

Besides, merely telling someone about an experience, doesn’t really help them to understand, does it? It’s like trying to explain what a mango tastes like to someone who has never tasted one. Could they discover the taste for themselves by a mere description? We need to actually have an experience to understand it.

It seems like I’m digressing, but I’m really not. My point is, are we using these experiences for growth? Are we creating positive outcomes from the difficulties? I’m grateful that the younger Lori eventually became aware of her own issues in order to answer ‘yes’ to those questions.

A new song that’s been playing on the radio sums it up well for me. These are just a few of the words, but all of the lyrics are so fitting for me these days. You can hear, read and listen to the song below.

They tell me I’m too young to understand
They say I’m caught up in a dream
Well life will pass me by if I don’t open up  my eyes
Well that’s fine by me

So wake me up when it’s all over
When I’m wiser and I’m older
All this time I was finding myself
and I didn’t know I was lost.

Avicci – Wake Me Up, Aloe Blacc