life, philosophy

For Better or For Worse

Recently, I got confused about my age. I had my birthday in the fall and thought I had turned twenty-nine, but it turns out that yesterday was my twenty-ninth wedding anniversary!

scan0001Look at these clueless children who married at the age of twelve. Okay, maybe they were a tiny bit older, I can’t remember for sure.

Can I be frank?

I snicker at people on their wedding days, especially young people marrying for the first time. Clueless, doesn’t begin to describe how unaware those two were in the photo. They still lived at home with their parents and met in a bar.

No wonder why they say that the wedding day is the best day of someone’s life. It’s blissful innocence … or ignorance.

When we said the words “for better or for worse” in the wedding vows, we had no idea what “for worse” meant. Personally, I pictured making my husband chicken soup when he had the flu and vice versa. I pictured having to console each other in our older years when our parents left us. I thought we might argue over how to spend our income, but never did I foresee what actually happens.

LGWedI’ve wondered if there is something that I could’ve told that younger Lori to prepare her.

Nope. She would’ve either shrugged me off, or gotten too afraid to marry anyone, ever. How could she grasp the gravity of meshing two dysfunctional families into one, and the problems it would create? She didn’t even know she was dysfunctional, let alone to use her difficulties to grow into a stronger person. That young bride didn’t know if she wanted to have children, and would never think that not being able to have them would cause her great heartache. She would’ve panicked if she knew how much more serious her husband’s accident would be compared to the flu.

Besides, merely telling someone about an experience, doesn’t really help them to understand, does it? It’s like trying to explain what a mango tastes like to someone who has never tasted one. Could they discover the taste for themselves by a mere description? We need to actually have an experience to understand it.

It seems like I’m digressing, but I’m really not. My point is, are we using these experiences for growth? Are we creating positive outcomes from the difficulties? I’m grateful that the younger Lori eventually became aware of her own issues in order to answer ‘yes’ to those questions.

A new song that’s been playing on the radio sums it up well for me. These are just a few of the words, but all of the lyrics are so fitting for me these days. You can hear, read and listen to the song below.

They tell me I’m too young to understand
They say I’m caught up in a dream
Well life will pass me by if I don’t open upΒ  my eyes
Well that’s fine by me

So wake me up when it’s all over
When I’m wiser and I’m older
All this time I was finding myself
and I didn’t know I was lost.

Avicci – Wake Me Up, Aloe Blacc
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36 thoughts on “For Better or For Worse”

  1. I think very few of us would have gone through with marriage if we had any idea of the types of challenges that would be coming our way. But you’re right. Those experiences make us stronger and better. They make us who we’ve become. But maybe it’s best that we don’t know what lies ahead.

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    1. Thank you, Linda. It’s a marvel to me too, especially for us, considering how young and stupid we were. πŸ˜› Have a great weekend, my friend.

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  2. Such a good song. And your thoughts on marriage frighten me a bit πŸ˜‰ I often wonder what that whole journey will be like…. my SIL once told me that there have been entire years where she didn’t even like my brother. Kind of hard to imagine right now in this stage of puppy love where most of what we do is look for ways to have fun together, but I suppose that’s all just part of the process.

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    1. I say, enjoy the puppy love stage. Don’t worry though, the more mature stages are different, but can be just as wonderful. Attitude and gratitude play big parts as you go along. The journey is worth it to have someone you ‘click’ with to grow old with, even if/when rough times emerge. Thanks for coming by to read and comment, Miss Aussa.

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  3. It’s all depends on how we wish to age ourselves, Lori.

    I started writing about four years ago – that makes me a four year old writer.

    You were married 29 years ago – congratulations – that makes you a 29 year old wife.

    Let’s leave the “years spent on the earth” alone πŸ™‚

    Enjoy,
    Eric

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    1. Ha! I guess I wasn’t wrong when I said I was 29. Hee, hee. Thanks, Eric. I like it. I can’t believe you’re only a four-year-old writer. You’re very good at it for such a young pup. πŸ™‚

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    1. Thank you, JM. I like this thought you shared and will set it as our goal. πŸ™‚ And, btw, you’re right about the device on my husband’s foot looking like sci-fi. My husband calls it an erector set. Heh. Thanks for coming by and commenting.

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  4. It’s a good thing that we only live one day at a time… and I remind myself from time to time that we do, everything else is possibilities, and we deal with them as they come along and become actualities.

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    1. So true, EllaDee. And, if I anticipated all the “for worse’s” that could happen before they happened, I’d be living in lots of fear (even more than my usual anxiety would put me under). Thanks for the thoughtful comment. πŸ™‚

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  5. Love “for better or worse”. 29 years or 60, it’s still a work in progress and love , love your beautiful wedding day pictures, and our children, Love & hugs Mamarie

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  6. It’s true–I don’t think we can ever anticipate the weight of the vows we make, whether they be wedding vows or other. But maybe that’s just as well. Otherwise we might be too chicken to commit to anything!

    Happy Anniversary! And I love that song, too, both its lyrics and its melody.

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    1. You put it perfectly in a few words, Carrie. “We can never anticipate the weight of the vows we make.” You’re right, it’s just as well. It’s certainly served for life-times of growth. About the song, the lyrics have real meaning for me, and the music is uplifting along with them. Thanks for the nice comment, my friend. So good to be back.

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  7. Happy anniversary, Lori. I love how you wrote this. Marriage isn’t a bed of roses. It’s everything, the ups, the downs, the surgeries, the deaths. (Not that I know anything about the deaths, yet, and maybe Barry will be the one to learn about that first. Hmmm, what a thought.) Anyway, I especially like how you expressed about *are we using these experiences for growth?* Sounds like we’re thinking along the same lines today.

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    1. Yes, we do seem to be thinking along the same lines today, Kathy. Thank you for the nice comment and the anniversary wishes. πŸ™‚

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  8. Happy anniversary! I remember that day like it was yesterday. I love the thoughts about experiencing growth and creating positive outcomes, as I also strive to do the same thing in my life on a daily basis. Youth truly is wasted on the young!

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    1. Hey Cheryl. Ahh, the good old days, even if I was oblivious. I totally agree that youth is wasted on the young. Thanks so much for commenting. Hugs.

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      1. I haven’t had a 29 year relationship with anyone. But I’d like to. And you’re right, it’s the “for better or worse” that makes the devotion so meaningful. Many Blessings to you too, Lori!

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